Girls' Group was another heartbreaker.
I don't understand it. When I announced Girls' Group to my classes, everyone was so excited! I asked who would be interested and, in total, I had more than 100 girls eagerly express their wish to join. Girls stayed after class and congratulated me on approval, told me they couldn't wait to see me on Sunday evening, asked lots of eager questions, and I knew it would be successful! I was worried about having to narrow it down because, while I wanted to include all 100ish students, I knew that my apartment couldn't hold more than 15. My biggest problem, I thought, would be turning girls away.
Sunday rolled around. As with all Sundays, I left my home at about 8:30 am, spent the morning and lunch at a friend's house in Guiyang, the afternoon at Jess and Todd's house for our group Chinese lesson, and then, at 5:00, I rushed through the terrible bus evening traffic to make it home by 6:15, spent a lot of money making copies of handouts of information on girls' group and applications, got soda and paper cups, cleaned my house, arranged my house, looked around frantically and arranged it again, put a sign on my door, didn't have time to eat dinner. I was ready. And nervous. I looked around my living room and imagined 100 girls all piling in at 7:30 (our scheduled time) standing around, while I tried to loudly deliver instructions for the application process and answer any questions they had about girls' group. This is how it should have went. This is how the girls' let me think it would go. Everyone had been excited!
But it didn't go that way. Instead, 7:30 rolled around and I nervously checked my watch, flipped through old copies of Newsweek, nervously arranged the papers into neat piles and the soda into fancy arrangements that would be accessible to hoards of girls. 7:40, still no girls. It crossed my mind that no one would come, but only briefly, as their excitement, enthusiasm, congratulations and the fact that they staid after class specifically to tell me they'd see me on Sunday kept popping into my mind. I figured that they would all be nervous to come to their foreign teacher's home, and they'd probably come in large groups (as is customary here), so maybe one or two people were holding them up.
At 7:45, my phone rang. I answered it, and low and behold, it was one of my best female students. She told me that she was very sorry, but that she could not come tonight because she was at her uncle's home and he didn't want her traveling so late at night and she would have to sleep there instead of in her dormitory. I thought this seemed strange, but I was relieved to get a phone call. I wanted to ask "but what about your classmates?" but I didn't.
7:55, no students.
Sadly, I put away the soda, the cups, and the folding chairs.
8:00, no students, but the phone rang again. It was another female student from a different class. She asked "Fei Fei, are you busy now?" I said "No! Did you want to come over?" (in retrospect I realize how eager this was of me…). She responded, "oh yes! But only if it's not too much trouble!"
I put back out the soda, the cups, and the folding chairs, assuming she'd bring other members of her class (as is customary here). I sat myself down to look busy reading Newsweek.
When she came, she was alone. She pretended not to know anything about girls' group. She just wanted to ask for help on her homework. I tried to give her an application and information sheet. She left it behind.
I was hurt.
This morning, when I went to my morning class, I had a student timidly ask me "did anyone go to your home last night?" and I said "no, do you know why not? Why didn't you come, I thought you were interested?" and she, looking at the ground, said "maybe they could not come." And as an afterthought, "Maybe they were busy."
When I gave morning announcements, I mentioned girls' group and said "none of you came! I'm disappointed in you girls! I'm giving you this excellent opportunity to learn and to improve your spoken English and none of you took it. If you were busy last night and you're still interested, I brought the applications and information sheets with me; you can get pick them up during break or after class."
No one took my sheets of paper.
I don't know what happened. I don't know if all 100 girls simultaneously decided that they did not, after all, want to join this group, or if the Powers That Be decided to (again) go behind my back and sabotage yet another project while my hopes were up, or what the deal was. I just know I am so incredibly let down (again). I know I shouldn't feel self pity, and that so many people around the globe have situations far worse than my own, so I shouldn't complain. It's just...frustrating.
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